1. Welcome to the latest edition of the Summary of Mishaps, your weekly stroll through the garden of good intentions, looking out for the snakes, spiders and thorns of poor planning and … never mind, this analogy is getting much too complicated. Let’s just press ahead.
A. One July afternoon, an E-6 was “performing diagnostic maintenance IAW standard protocols” on an outboard engine. That certainly sounds reassuring. However, what happened next was IAW standard Friday Funnies folderol. He had removed the safety guard on the flywheel and had hooked up a diagnostic computer. “While troubleshooting the engine,” the report explained, “it suddenly turned over” (Note: For the record, I doubt the engine turned over by itself). The flywheel caught and crushed his little finger.
As a lesson learned, the report said the E-6 “reviewed the operator's manual for the diagnostic computer.” I reckon one of the standard protocols was not to refer to the manual until you’re bleeding.
B. Underway on an amphib, an E-2 machinist’s mate fell down a ladderwell, resulting in what the mishap report described as “a digital fibula fracture to his left leg.” He spent the next six weeks on LIMPDU at a shore command.
Hate those digital fractures. The analog ones are bad enough.
C. A couple of lance corporals were in an apartment, doing what the mishap report described as “wrestling (goofing off).” If the phrase “a couple of lance corporals” hasn’t set off your Risk-O-Matic yet, that last phrase definitely should have. One of them hoisted the other “with the intent of slamming him to the floor.
This doesn’t sound good, but it gets worse, because on the way down, the hoisted Marine’s head hit the side of a kitchen counter (accruing a concussion). He also cut his foot on a broken glass.
Which leaves me with just one question. Are we having fun yet?
D. A groundskeeper is mowing the lawn in front of a cafe. Another employee has backed up a pickup truck to the sidewalk near the door to the café. The groundskeeper hears a crash and sees the employee sprawled on the ground. Her left hand is bleeding. No, this isn’t the latest episode of “Whodunnit?” Here at the Summary of Mishaps, we always know who done it. We’re interested in the how and why. So put on your deerstalker, grab your magnifying glass, and we’ll examine the clues.
Clue #1: The employee had been asked to pick up a BBQ grill from the café, using a truck that was backed up to a grassy spot where the grill was sitting.
Clue #2: The grill was on a trailer. The employee pulled the trailer toward the truck.
Clue #3: She tripped, lost her balance and let go of the grill. She used her bare hand to try to keep the trailer from hitting the back of the truck.
Clue #4: The grill weighed between 150 and 200 pounds.
This is a tough one.
2. That’s all for this time, amigos. See you on the flip side.
September 2013 #1: Back to the Mailbag
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Last Reviewed: September 16, 2013