December 2012 #4: Our Annual New-Year's Resolution Issue
1. Welcome to the final edition of the Summary of Mishaps for 2012, our annual New-Year's resolution issue, in which you get to join in swearing off a slew of mishap opportunities for the coming year. Just repeat after me.
A. I won't hand a loaded pistol to someone who has offered to clean it but who doesn't know how to unload it without firing it into my hand.
B. I won't use a folding chair as a ladder substitute while trying to change a light bulb, especially not after taking on an unspecified amount of beer.
C. I won't let my office plants touch hidden, exposed live wires.
D. I won't lose my temper and head-butt my car's headlight.
E. I won't spray myself in the face with a fire extinguisher while inventorying an emergency supply bag.
F. I won't do pushups with one hand on an ant nest.
G. I won't climb a cliff at the beach wearing sandals (even "protective sandals," whatever they are).
H. I won't flee a mysterious noise in a museum that contains mummies, knock myself out running into a statue, and then record the mishap cause as "curse."
I. I won't try to break up a dog fight with either a bare hand or bare foot.
J. I won't misread my job series (which, for the record, is "Writer-Editor") as "Snake Handler" and grab a wild snake.
K. I won't let a rental car's GPS convince me that I can drive to an island that is nine miles off shore, even at low tide when there appears to be a gravel surface.
L. I won't try to hurdle a limbo bar while participating in a roller derby.
M. I won't slice open my leg on a submerged rock, then try to cauterize the wound with a hot butter knife.
2. That's all for this week, friends and neighbors. Thanks for spending some time with us each week during the past year. Your feedback and yarns are always welcome. Even more valuable, in the big scheme of things, are all those good decisions, conscious or not, that helped manage the risks that life presents all of us on a daily basis. Keep hoping for the best and planning for the worst. Speak up when you see knuckleheadedness in the offing. See you in 2013!
December 2012 #3: Why Rum Isn't the Same as a Compass and Insulation
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