R 011100Z MAR 13 ZYB 
FM COMNAVSAFECEN NORFOLK VA
TO ALSAFE
BT
UNCLAS
ALSAFE 014/13
SECINFO/U/-//
MSGID/GENADMIN/COMNAVSAFECEN/00/FEB//
SUBJ/SUMMARY OF MISHAPS//
GENTEXT/REMARKS/
1.  WELCOME TO THE SUMMARY OF THE LATEST MISHAPS. GET IT? NOT
THE LATEST SUMMARY OF MISHAPS, THE SUMMARY OF THE LATEST
MISHAPS. IT'S THE SAME, BUT DIFFERENT.
    HERE'S THE DEAL. IN THE OLD DAYS, A FORMER MISHAP
SUMMARIAN USED TO WRITE ABOUT JUST THOSE MISHAPS THAT GOT
REPORTED DURING THE PREVIOUS WEEK. HECK, THEY MIGHT HAVE JUST
HAPPENED. THE VICTIMS MIGHT HAVE STILL BEEN WEARING THEIR
BANDAGES AND CASTS.
   I'VE PREFERRED TO JUST WADE THROUGH POOLS OF FAIRLY RECENT
REPORTS DIVERTED FROM THE W.E.S.S. OCEAN. I PICK AND CHOOSE,
WRITE THEM UP AND RUN THEM WHENEVER THE MOOD STRIKES. THIS
WEEK, HOWEVER, I'M GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THE 129 MISHAPS
REPORTED DURING A SINGLE WEEK. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS WILL
TURN OUT, SO WISH ME LUCK.
A.  THE FIRST MISHAP WAS A GUY WHO SLIPPED IN AN ICY PARKING
LOT WHILE WALKING TO A CLUB ON BASE. HE FELL ON HIS FACE. TWO
OTHER PEOPLE WOULD SLIP ON ICE AND MAKE IT INTO THE WEEK'S
REPORTS (THE OTHERS WERE WALKING FROM A RESTAURANT AND A
CHAPEL). THE WORD "SLIP" APPEARED 28 TIMES AMONG THE WEEK'S
MISHAP REPORTS.
B.  OFF-DUTY/RECREATIONAL MISHAPS PRODUCED THE USUAL PLETHORA
OF INJURIES, THANKS TO RACQUETBALL (BROKEN ANKLE, TORN
ACHILLES TENDON), SOFTBALL (SPRAINED ANKLE), AND BASKETBALL
(KNEE INJURY, RUPTURED ACHILLES TENDON, BROKEN WRIST, SPRAINED
SHOULDER, TWO SPRAINED ANKLES, INJURED JAW, SPRAINED FOOT).
    TWO GUYS GOT HURT PLAYING FLAG FOOTBALL. ONE BROKE HIS
CLAVICLE DIVING TO MAKE A TAG. THE OTHER SLICED OPEN HIS KNEE
("RECOMMEND NOT USING METAL LIGHT POSTS AS OUT-OF-BOUNDS
MARKERS FOR UNIT PT," THE REPORT SAID). A THIRD SAILOR CAME UP
LIMPING AFTER HE HOPPED OVER A FENCE TO RETRIEVE THE BALL.
   SNOWBOARDING CLAIMED A TRIO, AS WELL. ONE SAILOR HIT A
PATCH OF ICE, FELL HARD AND TORE HIS MENISCUS. ANOTHER, GOING
AT TOP SPEED IN SNOW AND FOG, VEERED OFF THE SLOPE AND SLAMMED
INTO TREES AND ROCKS (BROKEN ARM, SIX BROKEN RIBS, TWO BROKEN
VERTEBRAE, AND INTERNAL INJURIES TO HIS SPLEEN AND KIDNEY).
ANOTHER SNOWBOARDER DISLOCATED HIS SHOULDER WHEN HE FELL WHILE
FILMING A BUDDY WHO WAS GOING OFF A JUMP ON HIS SNOWBOARD.
    I ONLY WISH WE HAD A VIDEO OF THE GUY TAKING THE VIDEO.
C.  IN OUR "CAN'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU" DEPARTMENT IS A
CORPORAL WHO PULLED UP TO AN INTERSECTION MARKED WITH A
FLASHING RED CAUTION LIGHT, A STOP SIGN, AND A SIGN THAT READ,
"CAUTION-CROSS TRAFFIC DOES NOT STOP." SHE PULLED INTO THE
INTERSECTION AND GOT CLIPPED BY A PICKUP GOING 55 MPH. THE
IMPACT TORE OFF THE FRONT END OF HER CAR. SHE WAS WEARING HER
SEATBELT AND GOT AWAY WITH A CONCUSSION AND A BRUISED
SHOULDER.
    AND IN THE "CLEAN UP, AISLE FIVE" DEPARTMENT IS A NURSE
WHO WAS PUTTING HER LUNCH INTO A REFRIGERATOR. SHE SPILLED
SOME LIQUID FROM A CONTAINER, STEPPED ON IT, SLIPPED AND FELL
ON HER RIGHT SHOULDER.
D.  THE SUMMARY OF MISHAPS MUSEUM ACQUIRED A NEW EXHIBIT WHEN
THE SAFETY SLEEVE ATTACHED TO A SAFETY HARNESS SWUNG, BOUNCED
OFF A DOME AND HIT A SHIPBOARD SAILOR IN THE MOUTH.
E.  A MARINE SEPARATED HIS SHOULDER WHEN HE FELL OFF A BAR
STOOL JUST AFTER MIDNIGHT AT AN OFFICERS CLUB. THE NARRATIVE
SAYS ALCOHOL WAS INVOLVED BUT WAS COY ABOUT THE ACTUAL B.A.C.
THE MARINE HAD BEEN STANDING ON THE STOOL, HANGING A SQUADRON
PLAQUE ON THE WALL. THE REPORT REFERRED TO THIS AS
"RECREATING."
F.  SOMETIMES MISHAPS HAVE A SORT OF YIN-YANG FEEL. ONE FELLOW
CUT OPEN HIS KNEE WHILE ASSEMBLING NEW FURNITURE. ANOTHER GUY
GOT HURT WHILE DISASSEMBLING A SHELVING UNIT (IT COLLAPSED ON
HIS FOOT).
G.  DISTRACTION NAILED AN E-3 CORPSMAN WHO WAS DRIVING INTO
WORK ON AN INTERSTATE ONE MONDAY MORNING. TRYING TO MERGE AT
AN EXIT, HER CAR SLIPPED OUT OF GEAR. SHE FOCUSED ON TRYING TO
GET IT BACK INTO GEAR, LOST CONTROL AND DROVE UP AN
EMBANKMENT. THE CAR ROLLED OVER TWICE ON ITS WAY BACK DOWN TO
THE FLAT PART OF THE HIGHWAY AND ENDED UP ON ITS WHEELS. DOCS
ADMINISTERED A BUNCH OF TESTS AND PAINKILLERS; THE E-3 HAD A
CONCUSSION.
H.  A SEAMAN RECRUIT SQUASHED HIS FINGERS IN A WATERTIGHT DOOR
BECAUSE HE "WAS IN A HURRY TO LEAVE THE MACHINERY SPACES
FOLLOWING GENERAL QUARTERS."
   I KNEW SAILORS HUSTLED TO GENERAL QUARTERS, BUT I DIDN'T
REALIZE THE MAD DASH CONTINUED AFTER G.Q. ENDED.
   ANOTHER DOOR (THIS ONE IN A BARRACKS) FIGURED INTO A MISHAP
REPORT WHEN A PFC PUNCHED IT. HE'D BEEN HAVING AN ARGUMENT AND
"WAS CALLED A NAME," THE REPORT SAID. AND FOR THE UMPTEENTH
TIME, THE ETERNAL TRUTH OF THE CHILDHOOD JINGLE THAT STARTS,
"STICKS AND STONES..." IS DEMONSTRATED.
I.  A CIVILIAN WAS WALKING INTO A CLASSROOM BUILDING. WHEN HE
STEPPED ON THE WELCOME MAT WITH HIS RIGHT FOOT, IT SLIPPED
BACK. HE CAUGHT HIS BALANCE WITH HIS LEFT FOOT, BUT THE SUDDEN
MOTION INJURED HIS KNEE. TURNED OUT THERE WAS SOME ICE UNDER
THE MAT.
J.  A MARINE WAS PLAYING A ROLE DURING A RIOT-CONTROL
SCENARIO. ANOTHER MARINE BONKED HIM ON THE SIDE OF THE HEAD
WITH HIS BATON, PRODUCING A CONCUSSION. HE WAS S.I.Q. FOR 24
HOURS.
    I'M GUESSING THAT NEXT TIME HE ASKS TO PLAY THE ROLE OF
THE GUY ON THE OTHER END OF THE BATON.
K.  THIS BRINGS US TO THE FINAL MISHAP OF THE WEEK, A SAILOR
WHO WAS DRIVING ALONG WHEN AN ONCOMING CAR CROSSED THE
CENTERLINE, TRIGGERING A HEAD-ON COLLISION. HE SUFFERED ONLY A
MINOR CUT ON HIS HEAD.
    FOUR OTHER WRECKS THIS WEEK PROVED FATAL (TWO 4-WHEEL AND
TWO MOTORCYCLE). ANOTHER MOTORCYCLE RIDER CRASHED INTO A
CEMENT POWER POLE AND WAS HOSPITALIZED WITH CRITICAL INJURIES.
    ALSO IN THE UN-FUNNY CATEGORY WAS AN E-6 WHO ALMOST GOT
HIS HAND CHOPPED OFF WITH A LOG SPLITTER. HE RESTED HIS HAND
ON THE BLADE END WHILE READJUSTING A LOG. "HE DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT THE END OF THE SPLITTER, WHICH PUSHES THE LOG, WAS SLOWLY
MOVING TOWARD THE BLADE," THE REPORT SAID. WHEN HE FELT THE
BLADE, HE WAS ABLE TO YANK HIS HAND AWAY, BUT HE CUT OPEN HIS
HAND, SEVERED A TENDON AND BROKE A BONE.
2.  AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, THE HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS OF A
SINGLE WEEK'S WORTH OF MISHAP REPORTS. PLENTY OF LESSONS
LEARNED AND RELEARNED FOR ALL AND SUNDRY. SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
//