R 151100Z FEB 13 ZYB 
FM COMNAVSAFECEN NORFOLK VA
TO ALSAFE
BT
UNCLAS
ALSAFE 012/13
SECINFO/U/-//
MSGID/GENADMIN/COMNAVSAFECEN/00/FEB//
SUBJ/SUMMARY OF MISHAPS//
GENTEXT/REMARKS/
1. WELCOME TO THE LATEST EDITION OF THE SUMMARY OF MISHAPS,
FOUR MORE QUICK SEMINARS IN HOW NOT TO DO STUFF.
A. CLASSIC SENTENCES FROM MISHAP REPORTS, CHAPTER 139: "HE
LEARNED THE WEAPON WAS LOADED WHEN ACCIDENTALLY DISCHARGED IT
INTO HIS LEFT HAND." THE "HE" IN THIS CASE WAS AN E-6 HOSPITAL
CORPSMAN WHO WAS AT HOME, OFF DUTY, AND GETTING READY TO CLEAN
HIS NEW .45-CALIBER PISTOL.
   "DISCHARGED INTO" IS SUCH AN INNOCUOUS PHRASE. WE SUGGEST
"BLEW A BLOODY HOLE IN."
   HIS WIFE, WHOSE OPINION OF HIS GUN-HANDLING SKILLS WENT
UNRECORDED, DROVE HIM TO A HOSPITAL. DOCS FOUND A FLESH WOUND
AND NO BROKEN BONES, SO THEY STITCHED HIM UP AND PUT HIM ON
LIGHT DUTY FOR A WEEK.
   GUNS WOULD BE A LOT SAFER IF THE HARD PART WAS LOADING
THEM, NOT FIGURING OUT WHETHER THEY ARE LOADED LATER.
   SPECIAL HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT FOR GUN OWNERS: NEXT TIME
YOU'RE CLEANING A PISTOL, ASK YOURSELF IF YOU ARE AN IDIOT.
THE ANSWER SHOULD BE "NO." NEXT, TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW YOU
COULD SHOOT YOURSELF WITHOUT DOING SOMETHING IDIOTIC. THEN GO
AHEAD WITH YOUR TASK.
B. SEEMS A SQUADRON HAD AN AIRCRAFT PART STASHED IN A HANGAR
BAY ON THE SHIP. THERE IT SAT, UNATTENDED AND MINDING ITS OWN
BUSINESS FOR A FEW DAYS. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
   THE "SO FAR, SO GOOD" PHASE ENDED BECAUSE ITS RESTING PLACE
WAS NEAR THE SPOT WHERE THE CREW STORED PIECES OF TRULY
DEFUNCT EQUIPMENT THAT HAD TO BE DISMANTLED AND THEN EITHER
RECYCLED OR DISPOSED OF.
   ONE DAY A SAILOR SPOTTED THE PERFECTLY GOOD AIRCRAFT PART
AND FIGURED THERE WAS NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT TO START
TURNING IT INTO PILES OF WIRE, CABLE, HARNESS, METAL AND OTHER
SORTS OF MECHANICAL WHATNOT. AFTER HE HAD SEVERED AND
DISASSEMBLED ENOUGH STUFF TO PUSH THE DAMAGE INTO THE CLASS C
CATEGORY, SOMEONE NOTICED AND RAISED THE RED FLAG.
C. CHEESE HOLE NUMBER ONE APPEARED WHEN A ONE-PINT SPRAY
BOTTLE OF ALCOHOL FELL OFF AN AIRCRAFT AND SPILLED ON THE
DECK. AN EMPLOYEE WIPED DOWN THE AREA AND TRIED USING
COMPRESSED AIR TO EVAPORATE THE REST OF THE ALCOHOL. CHEESE
HOLE NUMBER TWO APPEARED 10 MINUTES LATER, WHEN HE STARTED
GRINDING ON A RIVET. CHEESE HOLE NUMBER THREE WAS THE PRESENCE
OF FLAMMABLE MATERIAL, PRESUMABLY SOAKED WITH ALCOHOL. A SPARK
FROM THE RIVET SET IT ABLAZE.
   THE WORKER TRIED TO SMOTHER THE FIRE, AND A NEARBY MARINE
GRABBED A FIRE EXTINGUISHER AND STARTED USING IT. HOWEVER,
MOMENTS LATER, THE AFFF SYSTEM DISCHARGED, "FILLING THE HANGAR
WITH FIRE RETARDANT," THE REPORT SAID. "NO DAMAGE TO EQUIPMENT
OR FACILITIES WAS NOTED," THE REPORT ADDED.
   GLAD THEY PUT OUT THE FIRE. I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT YOU COULD
FILL A HANGAR WITH AFFF AND NOT DAMAGE SOMETHING.
D. THE PLACE: DEEP IN SOUTHERN FLORIDA (GENE, PIPE IN A LITTLE
OF "THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON" SOUND TRACK).
   THE TIME: 0315 (SEGUE TO SOME OMINOUS CRIES, GROWLS AND
SQUEALS).
   THE TASK: A MYSTERIOUS ERRAND INVOLVING A SHED IN
GOVERNMENT HOUSING.
   THE ACTION: A CIVILIAN CASHIER STRIDES ALONG A WALKWAY
(GENE, HERE'S WHERE WE NEED SOME FOOTSTEPS AND SOME CREAKING
NOISES). SUDDENLY, A WILD ANIMAL ATTACKS! THE CASHIER STAGGERS
OFF THE WALKWAY.
   THE WILDLIFE: NOT A COUGAR. NOT A BLACK BEAR. NOT AN
ALLIGATOR. BUT SOMETHING, APPARENTLY, JUST AS STARTLING: A
FROG.
   THE INJURY: SPRAINED ANKLE, GOOD FOR 12 DAYS OF LIMPDU.
2. THAT'S ALL FOR THIS WEEK, AMIGOS. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN,
HERE'S SOME FREE ADVICE FOR PROSPECTIVE ATV PASSENGERS: DON'T
RIDE WITH SOMEONE ON THEIR FIRST OUTING. IT COULD BE WAY TOO
EXCITING.//