R 251100Z JAN 13 ZYB
FM COMNAVSAFECEN NORFOLK VA
TO ALSAFE
BT
UNCLAS
ALSAFE 008/13
SECINFO/U/-//
MSGID/GENADMIN/COMNAVSAFECEN/00/JAN//
SUBJ/SUMMARY OF MISHAPS//
GENTEXT/REMARKS/1. WELCOME TO THE LATEST EDITION OF THE
SUMMARY OF MISHAPS, FOUR MORE CHANCES TO LEARN THE EASY WAY
FROM FOLKS WHO DID THE OPPOSITE.
A. A COUPLE OF SAILORS WERE DRIVING, WITH THE CAR'S OWNER IN
THE PASSENGER SEAT AND HIS BUDDY AT THE WHEEL. BOTH WERE SOBER
AND BUCKLED UP. SO FAR, SO GOOD. HOWEVER, AS IS SO OFTEN THE
CASE WITH THE MISHAP REPORTS WE COAX/EXTORT/DEMAND FROM
HAPLESS W.E.S.S. USERS OUT THERE IN THE FLEET, SALIENT DETAILS
WERE MISSING, LEAVING US TO SPECULATE ON EXACTLY WHAT WAS
GOING ON.
   MY GUESS IS THAT IT WAS EITHER SOME SORT OF DRIVING LESSON
OR A NEW-CAR DEMO. I SAY THIS BECAUSE, JUST BEFORE THE YOU-
KNOW-WHAT HIT THE YOU-KNOW-WHAT, "BOTH WERE LOOKING DOWN TO
SHIFT THE CAR FROM 4TH TO 5TH GEAR." AND THE CAR, LEFT TO ITS
OWN DEVICES, MADE A BEE-LINE FOR THE CONCRETE BASE OF A LIGHT
POLE.
   THE DRIVER WAS LEFT WITH A BROKEN RIB. THE PASSENGER WAS
LEFT WITH A BROKEN WRIST, A JAMMED HIP, A STRAINED BACK AND
SOME INTERNAL BRUISES.
   AND I'M LEFT HOPING THAT THE DRIVER REALLY HADN'T BEEN
TRYING TO SHIFT FROM 4TH TO 5TH IN A PARKING LOT.
B. Y'KNOW HOW THEY SAY THAT WHEN YOU OWN A BOAT, IT'S LIKE A
HOLE IN THE WATER THAT YOU POUR MONEY INTO? YOU POUR TIME AND
ENERGY, AS WELL. FOR EXAMPLE, THE O-3 ENGINEERING DUTY OFFICER
WHO HAD TO REPLACE SOME DECKING.
   HE WAS FULLY TOGGED OUT IN THE REQUISITE PPE (THE NARRATIVE
SUMMED IT UP AS "GLOVES, HEARING, EYE"), AT LEAST UNTIL HE HAD
TROUBLE GETTING A GRIP ON A PLANK. SO HE TOOK OFF HIS GLOVES.
REPORT DOESN'T SAY IF THAT WORKED OR NOT, BUT IT SURE MADE IT
EASIER FOR THE RUSTY STAPLE TO PUNCTURE HIS FINGER.
   WE'VE SAID IT BEFORE: THE FIRST "P" IN PPE DOESN'T STAND
FOR "PART-TIME."
   THE LIEUTENANT GOT A DAY IN A HOSPITAL AND NINE DAYS OF
LIGHT DUTY TO STUDY UP ON WORK GLOVES THAT GUARD YOUR HANDS
AND MAKE IT EASIER TO GRIP.
C. ONE FINE MORNING ON AN AMPHIB, SOME SAILORS WERE PAINTING A
SPACE IN WHICH THERE WAS A LADDER WELL. THE SAFETY CHAINS WERE
IN THE WAY, SO THEY TOOK THEM DOWN AND COVERED THE TOP OF THE
LADDER WELL WITH PAPER.
   THE SUPERVISOR, A CULINARY SPECIALIST SECOND CLASS,
APPARENTLY DIDN'T REALIZE THEY WERE COOKING UP A BOOBY-TRAP,
BECAUSE HE FAILED TO BROADCAST A HAZARD ALERT AFTER THE CHAINS
WERE TAKEN DOWN.
   NOW, THE PLUS SIDE OF THE PAPER IS THAT PAINT WOULDN'T
SPATTER DOWN THE LADDER. THE NEGATIVE SIDE OF THE PAPER (SINCE
IT WASN'T A GIGANTIC HAZARD-ALERT SIGN THAT SAID, "CAUTION,
KEEP OFF," AND EVEN THEN I WOULDN'T TRUST IT) WAS THAT IT
WOULDN'T SUPPORT THE WEIGHT OF ANYTHING HEAVIER THAN A DROP OF
PAINT. CERTAINLY NOT A SAILOR (IN THIS CASE, AN OBLIVIOUS E-3
SHIP'S SERVICEMAN) WHO WAS LOOKING UP WHILE PAINTING THE
OVERHEAD.
   SHE PROMPTLY SUFFERED A CASE OF SUDDEN-ONSET DROPSY, FELL
ONTO THE HIDDEN LADDER AND SPRAINED HER THUMB (I AGREE, SHE
GOT OFF EASY).
D. GOT THIS ONE SPECIAL DELIVERY FROM A CORRESPONDENT IN THE
FLEET. ABOARD AN LHA IN THE ENLISTED GALLEY, A PAIR OF
CULINARY SPECIALISTS THIRD CLASS WERE BUSILY MAKING LUNCH. ONE
OF THEM DECIDED TO TOSS A CAN OF MENUDO TO THE OTHER. THAT
ISN'T NECESSARILY A BAD PLAN, BUT IT HELPS TO TELL THE OTHER
GUY FIRST, SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF "HEAD'S UP, INCOMING
TRIPE." IT WOULD ALSO HELP TO ACTUALLY THROW THE CAN TO HIM,
RATHER THAN BOUNCE IT OFF AN OVERHEAD VENT.
   THE CAN CAROMED OFF THE VENT AND BANGED ONTO HIS FOREHEAD,
INFLICTING A GASH THAT REQUIRED FIVE STITCHES. HE WAS "GIVEN A
SPOON, A BOTTLE OF TEXAS PETE AND THE REST OF THE DAY OFF,"
OUR CORRESPONDENT ADDED.
   "OUCH!" AND "YUM!" WE DON'T GET THAT COMBO VERY OFTEN.
2. THAT'S ALL FOR THIS WEEK, FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS. SEE YOU
NEXT TIME.//