R 181100Z JAN 13 ZYB PSN 552842K26
FM COMNAVSAFECEN NORFOLK VA
TO ALSAFE
BT
UNCLAS
ALSAFE 006/13
SECINFO/U/-//
MSGID/GENADMIN/COMNAVSAFECEN/00/JAN//
SUBJ/SUMMARY OF MISHAPS//
GENTEXT/REMARKS/1.  WELCOME TO THE LATEST EDITION OF THE
SUMMARY OF MISHAPS, FOUR MORE CHAPTERS FROM THAT EPIC,
WRITTEN-IN-BLOOD MASTERPIECE, "LEARNING THE HARD WAY."
A.  AN E-4 FROM A CRUISER WAS WAITING FOR A BUS OUTSIDE AN AIR
STATION OVERSEAS.  SHE WAS, ACCORDING TO THE MISHAP REPORT,
"FEEDING A HAMBURGER AND FRIES TO A STRAY DOG." SHE THOUGHT
THE DOG SEEMED "FRIENDLY AND APPROACHABLE."
   ON THE FACE OF IT, THIS SEEMS TO BE A HARMLESS PASTIME
WHILE AWAITING PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.  AMERICANS EAT MILLIONS
OF BURGERS AND MILLIONS OF POUNDS OF FRIES EVERY YEAR.  SURELY
A HUNGRY STRAY WOULD ALSO FIND THESE MENU SELECTIONS
DELICIOUS.  BUT THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS QUITE AS EASY AS THEY
SEEM, ESPECIALLY IN THE TWISTED WORLD OF THE FRIDAY FUNNIES.
   THE E-4 DROPPED PART OF THE HAMBURGER BUN.  SHE REACHED
DOWN TO RETRIEVE IT.  THE DOG, PERHAPS SENSING THAT PART OF
ITS MEAL WAS ABOUT TO BE WITHDRAWN, PROMPTLY BIT THE HAND THAT
HAD BEEN FEEDING IT.
   I'VE SEEN DOGS EAT TRULY DISGUSTING THINGS, AND I CAN
GUARANTEE THAT THIS POOCH WOULDN'T HAVE MINDED PICKING UP THE
BUN UP FROM THE GROUND.
   THE E-4 HAD BEEN "INSTRUCTED EARLIER IN DEPLOYMENT NOT TO
FEED STRAY ANIMALS," THE REPORT SAID.  HAD TO LEARN THE HARD
WAY, I GUESS.
B.  IN THIS WEEK'S "I DON'T THINK SO" DEPARTMENT, WE HAVE AN
E-3 LOGISTICS SPECIALIST ON A CARRIER WHO WAS CHANGING A LIGHT
BULB.  BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, BUT THIS WAS SOMEWHAT MORE
COMPLICATED THAN YOUR MARK 1, MOD 0 HOUSEHOLD TASK, BECAUSE HE
HAD TO SCREW A THREADED FASTENER INTO A JUNCTION BOX AS PART
OF THE DRILL.
   NOT TO WORRY, BECAUSE THE REPORT SAID THAT HE SAID THE
"POWER WAS SECURED."
   SO HE WAS EXTRA-SURPRISED WHEN HE GOT SHOCKED.
C.  JUST BEFORE MIDNIGHT, A CONSTRUCTION ELECTRICIAN THIRD
CLASS FELL DOWN SOME STAIRS AND CUT HIS HEAD.
   WHY HADN'T HE BEEN ABLE TO KEEP HIS BALANCE? BECAUSE HE WAS
BLOTTO.  AND WHY WAS HE BLOTTO? BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN
CELEBRATING HIS BIRTHDAY, AND HAD BEEN "GIVEN FREE DRINKS BY
PASSER-BYS AND SEVERAL CO-WORKERS WITHOUT ANY OF THEM
ACCOUNTING FOR HIS LEVEL OF INTOXICATION," THE REPORT
EXPLAINED.
   BOY, THAT'S THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING, ISN'T IT? TIME
AT AN EMERGENCY ROOM, MEDICAL EXPENSES, SCARS, A CHANCE AT A
DUI.  THANKS FOR NOTHING.
D.  WE HAVEN'T HAD A GOOD OLD KITCHEN GREASE FIRE FOR A WHILE,
AND I WAS SORT OF HOPING WE'D ELIMINATED THAT HAZARD, BUT I
GUESS NOT.
   NOTE THAT WHEN I SAY "GOOD OLD," I MEAN FROM THE POINT OF
VIEW OF FODDER FOR THE SUMMARY OF MISHAPS, NOT FROM THE POINT
OF VIEW OF THE FAMILY WHOSE CABINETS WERE SCORCHED, WHOSE FOOD
WAS RUINED, WHOSE TILE GOT MELTED, WHOSE FIRST FLOOR SMELLS
LIKE SMOKE AND WHOSE FAMILY MEMBER HAD TO RUSH TO THE BURN
UNIT.
   SEEMS AN AVIATION STRUCTURAL MECHANIC THIRD CLASS GOT
INVOLVED WHEN HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER TOLD HIM THAT THERE WAS A
FIRE IN THEIR KITCHEN, STARRING A PAN THAT WAS BLAZING AWAY IN
THE SINK.  THE SAILOR THEN "BEAT OUT SOME OF THE FIRE WITH HIS
BARE HANDS," CARRIED THE PAN OUTSIDE AND CHUCKED IT INTO THE
YARD.
   THE SAILOR'S WIFE EXPLAINED THAT THEIR CAT HAD KNOCKED OVER
A CANDLE TO START THE FIRE, AND THEN SHE (THE WIFE, NOT THE
CAT) HAD MADE THINGS WORSE BY RUNNING SOME WATER ON THE BLAZE,
A TECHNIQUE THAT PRODUCES SOME SPECTACULAR EFFECTS THAT ARE
MORE ALONG THE LINES OF FIRE EXPANSION RATHER THAN FIRE
SUPPRESSION.
   CATS AND CANDLES? NOT RECOMMENDED.  WATER ON A GREASE FIRE?
NOT RECOMMENDED.  FIGHTING FIRE WITH BARE HANDS? NOT
RECOMMENDED.
THAT'S THREE WAYS TO HAVE AVOIDED MISSING TWO DAYS OF WORK AND
SPENDING 19 DAYS ON LIGHT DUTY.
2.  THAT'S ALL FOR THIS WEEK, AMIGOS.  I DIDN'T HAVE TO THINK
UP A CLOSING FOR THIS WEEK, BECAUSE I SAW A GREAT ONE ON A
BUMPER STICKER ON THE CAR IN FRONT OF ME AS I WAS DRIVING HOME
LAST NIGHT: "NEVER DO ANYTHING YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO EXPLAIN TO
THE PARAMEDICS."
//