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August 2015, #4: More So-Called “Investigations”

1. Welcome to the latest edition of the Summary of Mishaps, hot off the press and guaranteed to make you wonder, "What the heck were they thinking?" until (two seconds later) you realize they weren't.


A. In this week’s “Thanks for Nothing” department, we have a report about a mysterious something that happened to a civilian aircraft mechanic in a lunch room. Apparently, he fell and injured multiple body parts, producing “nonspecified injuries and disorders.”

     Determined to withhold actual information, the report said, “injury type, if any, was undetermined during mishap investigation.” “Initial medical treatment: Unknown,” the report added.


B. And then there was the WG-10 machinist who was working with a lathe. At one point he had to clean out debris. I’ve never used a metal lathe, so I’ll assume that shard removal is ops normal. What with this worker being relatively senior, I’d assume that he knew what he was doing. But here’s part of the report, and you can judge for yourself: he “put his finger in the slot he was milling out to remove the chips from the slot to observe the slot as the end mill was turning and his finger touched the end mill and pulled his fingernail off.”

     The report continued, “due to employee being at the hospital so long and arriving back late and him being in pain and upset this may or may not be accurate at this time.” At least this reporter was honest.


C. A PFC packaging specialist was assembling a wooden container in a warehouse. He shot himself in the thumb with his nail gun. He “stated his thumb was too close during the event,” the report said.

     I think so, too, but thanks for pointing it out. Someone somewhere might have been wondering.


D. And speaking of a profound grasp of the obvious, check out this next one. In a storeroom on an aircraft carrier, a seaman had to change some light bulbs. The problem was that with the lights turned off, it was too dark to see which bulbs were burned out. He decided to leave the lights on. He started to change a bulb. The other bulbs suddenly got brighter. Just as suddenly (perhaps even more so), he felt a jolt of electricity in his hands and across his chest. The shock left his arms “numb and tingly,” the report said. “It is believed the Sailor was touching an energized source,” the report continued.

     I think so, too.

2. That’s all for this week, comrades. See you next week, same time, same station. We promise to find some source material that isn’t so opaque or elementary.

Last week's issue: "Just When You Thought You Could Trust a TM"
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